my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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