I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
