Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
