haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
