She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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