i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
