Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
