Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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