Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
