capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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