Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
