So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
