The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
