Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
