i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i love accidental penises.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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