and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
