Apparently you make a good broom.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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