i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So much rum. So many feels.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
