Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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