i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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