I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
