so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
