She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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