Buhtt sex?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
