I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you have to choose: penises or morals?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
