So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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