My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
