She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
