if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
