I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
