I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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