The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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