Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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