He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
