When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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