Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
