Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
