I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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