I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
