Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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