When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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