i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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