Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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