frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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