This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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