This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
