Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
