I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You're so nebulous sometimes
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
