With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
