is wine microwaveable?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
