sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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