like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
