that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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