Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
