Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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