I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
