Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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