I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
