A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
