Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
