I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
