I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
