ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
pop tarts are not kleenex
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
