there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
