Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
