hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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