i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
being pregnant is like rehab
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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