i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Sacagawea was the original milf.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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