I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
