Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize
