So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
