Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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