I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
