I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
