Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just invented taco cereal.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
