so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We're too hungover to prance.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
