Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize